HOW I FOUND A BEST FRIEND IN MY PSYCHOTIC MOTHER
Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? Can she hurt and be violent to her own child? These are the questions which kept on running in my head each and every time and I couldn’t understand what was going on.
My mother was only 21 years old when she got pregnant and at that time, growing up in a rural area where education was less considered, she got married. She later gave birth and while her family thought she was enjoining her marriage, my mother was suffering inside, she divorced. She couldn’t understand how everything happened so quickly like a flash. She became angry, violent and started seeing and hearing things which were not there. Life became really hard to learn that my mother had psychotic depression. I was only 4 years old and as a child, I needed the love and care of my mother and being so close to her before she became sick, I couldn’t understand. Each and every day I would hope to see my mother get better but days turned into years, years that gave me discomfort and a lot of crying. Time passed and nothing had changed the situation got even worse such that people were afraid of her including me. My friends and school mates would make funny of me as they would call me ‘daughter of a mad woman’. School became my enemy as I couldn’t contain what I was facing. I remember in my ninth grade when I cried a lot and didn’t have a shoulder to lean on so I left school at break time and went home. When I arrived at home, I saw my mom in her condition and instead of running away from her I ran to her. She hugged me and comforted me as she kept on wiping my tears and while she was doing that, something came to my mind, I was at peace and felt loved such that I never wanted to leave her arms. Something made me realise how far I have been away from someone whom I could find comfort. My mom is not like everyone perceived her to be, I thought to myself. She is my mom, why would she hurt me? Everything became so clear to me and since that day, mom has been my best friend. I am so close to her and I can talk to her about anything and when I am down, she’s always there for me. My mom is the best friend I found and I can trust.
Sometimes the people we see to be no use in our lives as a result of their current situation are the people we could actually receive help from. Life is unpredictable and what we see and examine might turn not be the case. Every person deserves to be respected, understood and loved and it’s through day to day actions and behaviour we show towards someone. I love my mother so much and having her in my life is such a beautiful thing and a great blessing because whether depression or no depression she will always be my mother, my best friend.